Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
