i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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