im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
