I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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