I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
