i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
