You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
