he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
