I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
