You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize