Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
