I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
