I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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