you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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