You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
