You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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