my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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