From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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