margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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