It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
