Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
