woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
