You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
