I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I AM VODKA MAN
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
