We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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