I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
