It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
