May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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