I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
