I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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