I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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