im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
