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Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
