you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize