like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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