the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My vagina just clenched in fear
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
