morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm too high and old for this...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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