You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
