Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
