It's Friday. Sex?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
