she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
