ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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