I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
