Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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