It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
