One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
