This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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