is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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