My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
