My sheets look like a crime scene.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
