i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
