Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
