Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
