Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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