found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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