Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize