just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
