Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Two words: blizzard sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
