Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize