I wanna bring you to show and tell
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
