i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
