I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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