wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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