As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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