the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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