You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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